pegasus horse cake.

blog no longer

2006-06-25T19:56:00.000+01:00

i noticed this site is still getting visitors despite being inactive for ages, so just to be sure:

paper sparrow is my new site.

i will not be posting here anymore, so change your blogrolls/link lists/etc.

new site (still working)

2006-06-07T03:27:00.000+01:00

paper sparrow

also, t-shirts are on sale!

break-up, shmeak-up. kelly clarkson was right!

2006-05-12T01:25:00.000+01:00

almost 2 weeks to go, kids. 2 weeks. then i shall be a proto-design graduate for a month. i might make it to the end of year show in london this june (the lady that gave a portfolio advice seminar said i had to display my stuff in the west end).

also (the main point of this reluctant post): the new site is on the move - i just got the domain. it feels like my very own brand new apartment, with an amazing day-long visit to ikea to follow (and i get to go on all the kiddie hammocks and hanging chairs and crawl through the tents as per usual).

along with the new place, i will start screenprinting shirts on demand for selling purposes.
they are:
1. deery me
2. oakeydoke (f)
3. oakeydoke (m)
4. tweet twig
5. skinny beech
6. one stag army
7. hidden
8. birdie

now, back to work.

2006-05-04T04:40:00.000+01:00

*** update!

this blog will be closing shortly.
why? because i am shedding the idle decaf activist skin and will be starting a new one, once the hiatus/absolute concentration on final project work concludes.
knock on my door if you want the new url, and i will send it to you once it's ready to go:
papersparrow at googlemail dot com

2006-05-02T19:09:00.000+01:00

i'm going to have an emo cloud over me for a while.
it's on a string tied to my index finger.
my self esteem has been critically damaged by a demolition ball and i'm attempting to nurse it.
i need some time out from everything.

thank you for your patience.
see you.

ps. flickr is excluded from the hiatus.

of septic relationships: sometimes amputation is best.

2006-05-01T22:13:00.000+01:00

i was surprised at the detection of a smile that had ventured onto my lips when i took my keys out to open the front door. on my way back home, i had undone my ponytail, my pace had picked up from lethargic foot-dragging to energetic strides.
i had been left with an inmense empty space in my mind, all the worry and doubts and frustration had been flushed away. i wondered what to do with it. i was reassured.
with a look in the mirror in the entrance, i checked it was really me and not someone else. i felt out of synch with the mascara smudges. i promptly cleaned them.
there is closure. there is release.

but if i am so relieved, why do i curl up and hurt so bad?

(now i'm angry. now i'm sad. now i'm laughing. now i'm crying.)

they kick you when you're already down.

2006-04-29T22:58:00.000+01:00

on my way back home, some guy shouted from a car passing by:
'yoooou'renotfiiiiit!'
well up yours, pallie.

sniffles.

yes, this is true and accurate.

2006-04-27T18:37:00.000+01:00

Find your own pose!

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow owie.

2006-04-26T22:57:00.000+01:00

dammit, jim!

2006-04-25T13:51:00.000+01:00

a little morale booster i found during a game.

oh yeah. and today i got a (generous) lift to the apple people here in maidstone. they have confirmed the impending death of my ipod, only four months after the warranty expired. which is why i won't get a free replacement.

r.i.p. ipequeñita.

(i hate apple now. so much. you don't expect something that cost you almost 400 pounds to die on you after a year.)

a friend and i went to utrecht.

2006-04-21T10:18:00.000+01:00

and found proof that uniforms are made of 80% pheromones.
15% rayon.
5% cotton.

my friend also managed to take pictures of me in mid-sentence and blinking.
that i will not show. it would be embarrassing. she took a whole lot of other pictures.

and then a tree grew out of my camera and attacked the lamp post and the houses.

part II & III

2006-04-20T12:33:00.000+01:00

this is small paul. or was. he is now tall paul.

i am so stressed out with the application preparations. i am sending it today. portfolio and all. wish me luck, alsublieft.

i am now a teen movie archetype

2006-04-18T21:06:00.000+01:00

one of my bro's msn coversations today.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

germaaaan

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

weeeeeehoooo

RedHerman says:

What is it?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

is your sister still here?

RedHerman says:

My, according to you, hot sister is here.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

does she like younger boys?

RedHerman says:

Her BF (Notice I use BF... an acronym!!!!1111) is 6 months younger than her.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ask ask

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

well shes like 23 yes?

RedHerman says:

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

does she like guys that are saaaaay 5 years younger?

RedHerman says:

I'm not quite certain she's a pedophile.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ask her

RedHerman says:

She is NOT a pedophile.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

thats what she said?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HAHAHAHAH

RedHerman says:

No, she said only Daniel Radcliffe.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

daniel radcliffe???

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

TO THE INTERNET!

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HARRY POTTER?!?!?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

harry-fucking-potter

RedHerman says:

Haven't you noticed?

RedHerman says:

Scars are sexy

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

haha

RedHerman says:

And talent-less acting too.

RedHerman says:

Look at Orlando Bloom.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeah thats hot

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hahaha

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

maybe your sister likes virgins?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

RedHerman says:

She's asking why am I asking all these questions?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

im like a puppy see

RedHerman says:

Yeah, I showed her a photo of you.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hahahaha

RedHerman says:

Though it was the bad quality phone one.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

fuck

RedHerman says:

So she kind of... shall we say, was discouraged?

RedHerman says:

Not because of your beautiful face

RedHerman says:

but the quality of the phone

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HAHA

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

right-o

RedHerman says:

Besides who could resist your sandbags?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

tell her i like the way she drew vegitas neck

RedHerman says:

Nice and thick, eh?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeah

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

i like em that way

RedHerman says:

Ever heard of 'less is more'?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ask her what type of music she likes

RedHerman says:

All types, except stupid hip-hop ganster rap and radio crap.

RedHerman says:

You're going to ask if she likes the beatles.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ah good

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

haha yeah

RedHerman says:

Right?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

that was EXACTLY

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

my next question

RedHerman says:

Yes, she does like them.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

omg omg omg!!!

RedHerman says:

Whoopdie fucking doo

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ok ok ok ok

RedHerman says:

Lots of people like the beatles.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

tell her that she reminds me of the song "julia"

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

by the beatles

RedHerman says:

TO SOULSEEK!

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeap

RedHerman says:

Or limewire

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeah download it on limewire and play it to her

RedHerman says:

You're so romantic

RedHerman says:

omgomgomgomg

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

listening to it?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

the song is beautiful

RedHerman says:

o rly?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ya rly

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

did she hear it yet?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

haha, what the hell am i doing?

RedHerman says:

It hasn't downloaded yet.

RedHerman says:

Why don't you send me some of your flash work?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

tell her that when she hears it her heart will melt

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

thats a guarantee

RedHerman says:

Er... ok.

RedHerman says:

I must leave

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

oh dear

RedHerman says:

I must fly to my batmobile

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hurry!

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:
hte penguin is loose
Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hey what was her name again?

RedHerman says:

Iris

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

like that part of your eye?

RedHerman says:

You've got a heart of gold

RedHerman says:

Oh nice

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hahahahahaha

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

Iris

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

is smoking hot

okiedoke.

2006-04-17T22:55:00.000+01:00

borrow.

2006-04-14T20:10:00.000+01:00

due to recent developments, i thought it was funny that i'd come across a certain paragraph in an article on relationship tips for both men and women while i was leafing through my mom's generic-lifestyle-and-fashion-magazines.

let me translate from spanish:

message for them [men]: even if you hardly notice the couple of kilograms your girlfriends have put on these last few months, women are quite different. this means they are a lot more observant of details, so that proto-beer belly isn't going to go unnoticed. also, the fact that you take care of yourselves is a symptom of you caring about what your girlriends feel and think about you. and this, guys, is simply irresistible.

... oh truth.

i get these spam e-mails from this christian carter guy, informing us ignorant femmes how it's women's fault relationships don't work. apparently he wrote an online book, which you pay for just to be told you are crap at being female. summing up his male/female liason doctrine in a metaphoric dinner: women must find the most customized and complex recipe, grow the ingredients, prepare them, cook them, set the table with an imaculate white cloth, serve them perfectly presented for their male counterpart, cut their food for them, chew it for them, and then deposit it in the man's mouth. and then aid his ingestion by massaging his throat.
carter states women must put all the effort in understing men, and not vice versa. god forbid. because we're all such insecure hysterical pms-ers who want marriages and babies two minutes after meeting a slightly attractive guy.

part I

2006-04-10T16:11:00.000+01:00

one good thing about going back to your parents' is that you get to look at your old work, and trip back to the days of... well, better days. high school days. the days when i used to be called the 'artist' of our year. the teachers said so, the yearbooks said so. that was my niche. i was proud of my niche.
in art school, you are no longer the 'artist' but an 'artist'. and when you see other 'artist' people's art, you question if you are an 'artist' at all.
of course the cold shower stunned me, and doubting my worthiness in the art and design world became routine.
no longer as half as confident as i was, no longer trying to show off my work mainly out of embarrassment, i am still trying to find my feet - and the course is nearly over.

anyway. old work. yes.

i loved the photography course we briefly did in art. we used to take the school's (really) old cameras out, scout the areas around the premises, walk into the klingendael forest, and take pictures of leaves and branches and ducks and daffodils and dogs with old ladies.

i should really go back this week.

2006-04-08T13:06:00.000+01:00

today i am flying to holland.
i will be able to eat vanilla vla tonight.
i will miss my boy.

he says: no you won't. manfriend, manfriend.

i will miss my manfriend.

why today was a good day

2006-04-07T20:05:00.000+01:00

you know when you need a haircut. you wake up one morning, and you realize your hair is grumpy and misbehaved. it has fallen awkwardly around your face for days, but today, whatever you do, it just will not comply.
i did not want my parents to see me all split endy.
so i did some legwork around town to find the most pocket-friendly hairdressers without resorting to the ultracheapcantcarelesswhatischoppedoff ones (usually i have it cut on holidays in spain so i don't have much clue of what maidstone has to offer).
i ended up at a tiny hairdressers', where they played spa ambient music and random stylists kept on offering me something to drink.
now, the best thing about getting your hair cut is the washing part. in this case...
oh oh oh. bliss.
the stylist (that's what they like to call themselves, despite being plain haircutters) used these gorgeous smelling products, i noticed a hint of orange and ginger.
oh oh oh the massage.
the warm water running down the scalp.
oh oh oh.
she actually spent an hour on me. and hour. that is the longest amount of time i've spent having my hair cut. however, there was a lot more styling than actual cutting. she liked her hairdryer. oh yes.
and her hairstraightener. especially her hairstraightener. when she pulled it out i was about to scream 'HAIRSTRAIGHTENERS ARE THE DEVIL!! THE DEVIL I SAY!!!!' and run off. but no. i remembered she had advertized some heat-damage-preventing-and-softening gunk she'd put on my hair. so i sat clenching my bag hoping for the minimum amount of protein deformity.
there was no smell of burning hair. instead, there was a slight sweet fragrance emanating from the vapor the heated plates (scarily) produced.
'do you normally use hairstraighteners on your hair?' she asked.
'not really, usually my hair flops down by itself'
and she ironed. and ironed. and ironed.
and funnily enough, despite the life and volume suckage my hair suffered, it looked good.
and i skipped back home.

freeze up the meltdown

2006-04-06T12:39:00.000+01:00

oh i knew it. i'm no griffindor or hufflepuff or slytherin. 'tis all deduction.

be sorted @ nimbo.net

of all the possible d.i.y. things: the big mouth billy bass of girliness

2006-04-05T12:34:00.000+01:00

i was really excited about switch, until i watched it, and thought
'why on earth would i want a talking photo frame for?'
and
'why would i go into so much trouble to make something so tacky??'
and
'how can i stand the oh-i'm-so-glad-you-are-here-kiss-kiss-fun-times!!!!!! attitude???'

2006-04-03T18:28:00.000+01:00

i've spent so much time in the printmaking room that a day doesn't feel right if i haven't put an apron on and gotten paint up to my elbows.
i am going to miss it so much when the year ends.

my main complaint against buying whole iceberg lettuces is that i always get the one with the agonizing bug in it. how they survive being wrapped up in plastic foil for one or two days is beyond me, but they always appear in some fold waving around their spindly little legs.
of course i'd forgotten all about it when after months of non-icebergness i bought one the other day with the complementary bug and the supplementary 'EEW'-sound-of-lettuce-splatting-against-floor.

in other news: four more days and i'm outta here!! i love dutch easters!!!

2006-04-01T10:56:00.000+01:00

deer! deer deer deer dear deery deer deeriness!

2006-03-28T21:49:00.000+01:00

he lost his cool with me, then apologized without changing the tone or volume,
'my mother is dying, and i have no patience for this'
i felt my lungs collapse
i don't think he noticed the trembling of my voice in the following sentence, or at least he didn't aknowledge it,
the conversation swayed, then returned
he said
'shame i'll be there tomorrow, but won't have time to see you, i'm flying straight back'
i didn't know what to say
what can you say
i was hurt more by his frustration and sadness
rather than the loss of a grandmother
i felt like i was losing him
he breathed audibly
i couldn't find comforting words to fill in the silent pauses, i was choking on my own tongue
how do you help a loved one without disrespecting their mourning,
with only diction,
without being insensitive,
so i backed off,
and burst into tears when i hung up the reciever.

2006-03-28T16:08:00.000+01:00

passing a flower shop a sign caught my eye, it said
iris
now i have a bunch of thin, indigo and yellow flowers in a vase

there was yet another strike at uni today, closing early, so i couldn't get more done.
tomorrow i'm hoping to make another screen continuing the birdie series, but last i checked there was only one left that was clean.

i'm preparing my application to central st. martin's - oh the impending rejection.

screenprinting tests.

2006-03-23T17:42:00.000Z

a few of the many:

my hands are so dry, it hurts when i stretch my fingers.
i should consider investing in some screenprinting-designated rubber gloves.

al fin

2006-03-22T20:35:00.000Z

eta declara tregua permanente.

2006-03-20T19:55:00.000Z

i love embossing
i love embossing
i love embossing

it yields paper gorgeousness

and i love this too.

estrella viaje!

2006-03-19T19:12:00.000Z

i don't know if i love it or hate it.
perhaps both.
linkie.

2006-03-15T21:39:00.000Z

oh joy oh happy day!
i have definitely decided that i am going back to the netherlands with my parents after i finish this academic year!
and i am going to hand out portfolios to dutch design companies! and i can save up for a car! and i can drive to work!
and most importantly i won't be homesick or miserable or unsure!
and in a year's or two time, i can apply to the rca or st martin's when my design skills are backed up by work experience and a lot more steadiness.
i do need a break from this country. i blame this slummy town and the ultimate boredom it churns with no end.
three months left. hooray!!!

2006-03-12T19:35:00.000Z

so my first ever (commissioned) website is up and running, after battling with the dutch terminology in the web host's ftp program.
i will tweak things, i'm sure. i feel accomplished.
but, darlings, am i relieved it's over.

2006-03-12T11:45:00.000Z

more proof that science fiction is the true seed for real science.

one tricorder, please.

2006-03-07T16:59:00.000Z

another one.
i like painting julians.

2006-03-06T19:43:00.000Z

today, a goth-looking girl told me i shared my name with her snake.

i am tired, so tired with these west vs. middle east issues.
if only our western noses had kept out of the whole deal from the very start. nevermind imperialism, i am refering to 20th century foreign interventions. what's with this cia and mi6 meddling, who did they think they were? where did they think they got the authority to mess with foreign governments, foreign cultures, cultures they don't and won't understand?
and the news just goes on and on and on and on and on and on.
it's nauseating.

here's my little design*sponge moment

2006-03-04T20:44:00.000Z

these postcards are the first designer thing i've ever owned. or afforded, at any rate. they're fabric hannah werning cards made by beaumond and they are gorgeous.

(very relevant to my project. i am researching hannah werning's work - she's been featured in design*sponge. imagine my delight when i just saw her wallpaper patterns reduced to a 90 pence format)

altijd samen. altijd? tjonge, jonge, jonge.

2006-03-03T19:29:00.000Z

jip en janneke.
i can't wait til easter - dutchland!!
i am going to ask my brother if i can sort of hide in his suitcase and take me back.
(even if he says no, i will still try)

well hello there, handsome.

2006-03-02T01:55:00.000Z

iris --

[adjective]:

Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

of course this is a random generator, and later tries have been defined as 'extremely extreme!' and 'tastes like chicken'.

i am so young and little

2006-02-28T16:31:00.000Z

hoorayhoorayhooray

i pitched in my idea for the major project and my tutor laughed at my explaining my obsession with forests and woodland creatures and after i finished making a girly fool of myself for a full twenty minutes he gave a paternal smile and said the idea sounded exciting.
he even asked about the 'little fellow' on my sketchbook (aka the grey julian) and said i should do more painting and see where that leads me.
i am now feeling good about things again.

(he also mentioned that my minor project had had a lot of potential but what marred it was that is was rushed towards the end. so there was nothing wrong with the illustrations per se. phew.)

in other news a woman with a dirty face lowered her car window and asked me if i wanted a lift.
i said no, i am alright, thank you.

2006-02-28T12:36:00.000Z

recycled necklaces.

(based on the 'freedom' jewellery range at topshopness. nope, no red clutch. it's just ridiculously tiny. useless. and why bother with all those awesome and cheap canvas totes h&m are bringing out of late? i'd love to screenprint my own, though.)

also also also
i am so in love with joanna newsom. she is the cutest harp-playing thing.

erm

2006-02-26T13:06:00.000Z

lo and behold!
the story of possibly-one-of-the-most-annoying-strangers-on-earth!
yesterday i waited an hour (thank you easyjet for your consistent delays) for my brother to confusedly wheel his suitcase out of the magical doors of arrivals. during that hour, i stood quite still against the metal bars in stoic acceptance of lost time.
after a few minutes, i realized a man had claimed the space next to me.
not that i cared. it's a free airport.
what i did care about was his noisy whistly breathing.
hissssss huzzzzzz hissssssss huzzzzzzzzz hissssssss huzzzzzzzzz.
this was constant.
i stole a glance. he was young. no obvious breathing problems. i thought of offering him a tissue or something to unblock his nose and hopefully put a stop to the hissing.
i thought i was being ridiculously fussy, 'the man needs to breathe'.
until the pacing started.
he paced. he breathed noisily. he paced some more. he leaned against the bars and breathed.
cue to the face rubbing.
he paced. he breathed. he rubbed his faced. he breathed. he rubbed his face again. he paced. more face rubbing.
'stop being so hypersensitive' i told myself.
and so he decided to crack his knuckles. i swear this was a test of my patience. images of eroding joints and premature arthrosis accompanied by the 'crock... crocky-crock... click' invaded my mind. i hate hate hate knuckle cracking. it's cringing.
hissssss huzzzzzzz hisssssss huzzzzzzzz
crockittycrockcrackclick
pace pace pace pace
face rubby face rubby
cracky crocky clicky
pace pace pace and then some
crock-o-rama
then i thought the only thing that could help this man was some valuum, or a five mile court order from caffeine. or at least give this poor man some gum to chew, for crissakes.
but then he started to look sideways at me every five or so minutes.
that was it.
i left and stood a few meters away, should have done this in the first place.

2006-02-24T23:09:00.000Z

so i've temporarily lost a boyfriend (big L's gone back to coventry for a few days, sniffles) but i have gained a brother!
i am picking him up tomorrow at the airport and i am so excited.
trips to london and all that jazz. he also brings dutch goodies. hmm edam.

so yes.
hooray for topshop (it's either bullseye or backfire with that place, backfire being all this unimaginative navy-inspired predominantly dark blue, red, white and black stripey yuck that's going on) because i am in love with yet another of their items: a retro-y tiny red clutch bag which (un)fortunately isn't out of my budget (including student discount) - on the downside i bet i can't even fit my daily-use wallet in it.
but it's just so cute.
we will see, we will see.

due to more generic admiration towards their range of jewelery, but mostly out of outrage at the prices, i made/recycled a few more necklaces. will take pictures and post.
i find it very hard to find good antique-gold-plated charms. any tips?

ps.
i am also very much in love with several things at urban outfitters, specifically the furniture, specifically this

and this

and, what the hell, this too (wallpaper included)

2006-02-23T20:29:00.000Z

today i woke up and
sat up in my bed and
realized that
my room felt like my room
it wasn't just somewhere i had to sleep;
it was my own

while it was snowing outside.

but the feeling steadily faded as the sky darkened later on.

2006-02-22T19:53:00.000Z

so i'm not the queen of assertiveness, but i made sure i pointed out it was the 'bald guy' who had smugly overcharged me last weekend in snappy snap's when i went back this week to ask for money back.
(it had totally spoiled the rest of my saturday - the feeling of having been stepped all over and swindled gnawed at me for hours).
the 'nice snappy-snap's guy' sorted everything out, accompanied with one of his overly friendly smiles, and in a pang of guilt i told him i'd be dropping off a couple of film rolls in a week or two.

a few minutes later, rachael said 'well, you don't usually go and call someone bald guy', to which i replied 'so, should i have called him the guy with no hair? that sounds worse. it's not like it was thinning or anything, i mean, he clearly shaves his head! the baldness is intentional, therefore it's not offensive to call him the bald guy.'

then ilundi laughed and mentioned the look on my face when the aformentioned swindler suddenly made a rushed appearance through the door, holding a stained paper bag, just as the money-back transaction was at its conclusion.

i just remember wishing i could shoot lasers through my eyes.

just give me a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea please.

2006-02-21T20:15:00.000Z

crap weather.
crap workshop.
what a crap day.

i would have rather spent all day in bed than group up with these random people i unfortunately asked to join (just because i was acquainted with one of the girls).
oh no.
we were given an object (on our case, a random passport photo of some woman a tutor had found outside a photobooth) and were told to develop a miniproject on it.
the guy in the group, supposedly one of the girls' boyfriend, kept on going about rebranding the u.s. army or disneyland for his major project.
i was, naturally, appalled.
the feeling of non-connection with people is really discomforting. while they kept on bringing out commercial and practical ideas (campaigns about identity theft, leaflets about carreers choices), i thought these were boring and i just wanted to enlarge the photo and photocopy it until the picture lost all sense of identity, tear it up, stick it back together, only explore it, not give it any practicality.

i kind of worry about only being interested in experimental, aesthetic and visual design rather than the problem-solving type.
the latter just makes me yawn, and then cringe, and then yawn again.
the last thing i want to do are leaflets and booklets and all that promotional crap. i would just dry up, whither and die.
that's going to be a problem, because once i'm out there, i'm gonna have to spend many a good year doing stuff that will feel like a thousand stabs. if i am lucky enough to be employed in the creative industry.

but then came big L on his white horse, with a golden aura around him, and made everything all better.

2006-02-19T19:05:00.000Z

i really really really really really want to try this out.
i've had a started-and-abandoned b&w film roll sitting around on my desk for months, just gathering dust. so its fate is to be dipped into either some vitamin c concoction or a pool of instant coffee.
(not that film rolls have any free will at all)

i've always loved carrying out experiments in the comfort of my own home.

2006-02-17T21:08:00.000Z

yesterday i checked this out

'twas interesting.
and then big L took me to see the seemingly infinite natural history museum (i demanded dinosaurs. i didn't get any - the place was overrun by kids and an hour-long queue for the exhibition) and the national portrait gallery. awesome.
i gots me some photography books which are glorious.
and then we ate at this place that played cringing spanish songs for a little while.
david bisbal, of ALL singers.
in an italian restaurant.
in the middle of london.

(cooooorazón latiiinoooo no-sé-qué-no-sé-cuánto pegado a tu pieeeeeeeeel
ayay qué grima)

2006-02-16T00:09:00.000Z

tadah
spring season!

only a slight change (because i was happy with the previous design and color combo) but more fresh-faced.
and sparrowficated.

when in brood, paint.

2006-02-14T22:06:00.000Z

2006-02-14T11:34:00.000Z

god i am such a failure.
all i have to do is assume it once and for all.
brood
brood
brood.

and now i am going to watch 'animal farm'.
poor benjamin.

2006-02-11T23:57:00.000Z

today i found the dress of my dreams.
seeing as i do not own one, i am going purchase it tomorrow and thusly wear it every day.
with brown boots.

'votre appareil ne nous interesse pas!'

2006-02-10T02:26:00.000Z

i am never ever going to write about cyberspace again. or trans-humanism. or post-humanism.
i don't care. take your technology and virtual reality and simulacra and simulation and your cyberpunk and your julian stallabrass and your michael benedikt and just stick them in some binarily fractal trash can.

(julian is a pretty name.)

where has all my time gone?

once this dissertation business is all done by 12.30 tomorrow (well, today), i'm going to start some personal projects, involving d.i.y. jewelery, again inspired on pricier versions, with some customized variations.
i am currently in a pegasus-horses-unicorns-sparrows phase. perhaps i should improvise some designs, just maybe sneak into screenprinting and make myself some t-shirts or tote bags.

it's great, i'm getting increasingly clear-headed on things i want to do, and when; what i should adhere to and what to let go (a wardrobe clear-out helps as a starting point).

i know that after noon i will feel as light as a feather.
that, or utterly destroyed.
or both.

ode to big L

2006-02-08T17:05:00.000Z

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥
♥
.

//
//

so i closed my buzznet, indefinitely. i get irritated at it sometimes.
too many features, too much stuff going on.

less is more. i believe in it firmly.

i will be pouring all my photography and artwork on flickr. feels a bit more like home, y'know?

procrastination version 1.2

2006-02-07T19:35:00.000Z

sigh.

♥.
someone, hire me. please.
sniffles.
i am even thinking of internship-hunting right after this academic year instead of getting the ma (chances are i won't be accepted in st martin's), and work work work on my portfolio for the next round of ma applications.
which would probably mean moving back to NL for at least a year.

oh man. drool.

2006-02-06T19:06:00.000Z

so here i am delaying the inevitable 8000 words i have to write by friday, sipping on pennyroyally mint tea, daydreaming about a new blog design for spring, and wondering if i should leave buzznet and focus on flickr.

yummmm, procrastination.

'it's not the winning, it's the taking part. oh well it's not the taking part, it's the sense of futile dispair.'

2006-02-06T12:44:00.000Z

oh, bill bailey.
hilariousness number one, hilariousness number two.

2006-02-03T21:47:00.000Z

(done some time ago)

2006-02-01T22:10:00.000Z

in one of yesterday's rushes to and from the library's computer technician when trying to log into/fix my account on the macs at ucca, i bumped into one of my old flatmates from the time i lived in the student halls during the first year. i hadn't seen him in months.
after some small talk, he added
'congratulations about you and big L!'
'oh, um, thank you.'
'when i was told i was like, finally.'
'finally?'
what do you mean, finally? i wanted to ask. it seems like everyone we hung out with in those days had predicted two outcomes for big L and me ever since we met two years ago.
a) hate each other forever
b) end up together
i mean, who asked them? what matters is now, and not what happened (or what didn't happen, to be more precise) back then.

'punch him.' big L said when i mentioned it later.

the boss hog knows all of its piglets.

2006-01-30T19:33:00.000Z

okay, i have slept a total of two hours and a half this weekend.
all the non-sleeping hours were inverted on staring at a screen and moving a pen around the tablet.
i think i may be about to collapse.
to top it off, all the work i've done couldn't be printed today at the supercrap printburo we have at uni, and will have to be done overnight. in other words, they should be done by tomorrow.
and the deadline, it is also tomorrow.
by 5 pm.

i have planned my day accordingly in order for the publication/magazine supplement thing i'm making to be done by noon or one. i have to cut the print-outs, spraymount them, perfect bind them (note: buy gauze tomorrow while pressing the mounted sheets, it's all about time management), attach the cover, chop the edges, and press until it's four, hopefully.

also i am starting to feel like crap about my final piece, because today someone spoke of this one guy on my course who decided to print ten t-shirts, make a book, and produce a shitload of logo designs, all in this minor project.
compare that to the measly illustration-social-commentary magazine supplement/publication i'll be submitting.
i say he's compensating for something.
and i can't imagine anything more boring than making a hundred logos.

i will so haul ass for the major project. i swear i'll make something huge. i haven't thought of what to do for it, but i'm already excited about the idea of building something or experimenting with wood.
less screens and more workshop.

peak.

2006-01-29T01:05:00.000Z

fifty cent is comedy, i tell you.
however, i am far too late to partake in this.

i can't believe i actually saw a guy wearing a fake G UNIT sweater today. maybe he thought it added an element of toughness to his hemorroid-stricken walk, with the added bonus of a black crooked cap.
i considered pointing out that perhaps a fist-sized diamond-studded cross would complete the 'caucasian gangsta chic' look. and maybe some skimpily-clothed groupies tagging along. and some big guy with one of those pantyhose beanies.

2006-01-27T15:08:00.000Z

the once withering tulips had drawn strength by the morning. they had sprung up in determination, in defiance towards death.
they look upward, they look out, they look in unison.
they know they don't have long.
'look at me, i am alive'
says one.
'i am alive too'
says another.
they celebrate each other by brightening their pigment, and as more tulips join in the chroma communion,
they secretly take comfort in the fact that, when the day comes, they will not die alone.

i bet camellias are envious of tulips, because they are so beautifully simple.

musics:

music a
music b

this is the age of the silver/chrome electronics. whatever happened to plain old black?

2006-01-26T15:15:00.000Z

the t is desperately escaping. the other one eloped with a 'a friend is...' fridge magnet.
and the dish ran away with the spoon.

don't ask me.
i wasn't fully awake when i did this. what d'you need alcohol for, when you can be deliriously ill under the influence of beck and paracetamol?

with a new year comes a new tv. the one i had that was a hand-me-down fixed comodity in my room for ages bust a bulb or something. i was left with three dots in the middle of the black screen, one red, one green one blue.
no frasier this morning.
today i discovered the tv was bought back when we lived in germany, in other words, probably nine years ago plus. repair cost due to its age, or shall i say, appointed antiquity: 50-70 pounds.
double u tee eff.
then the repairman said 'oh you can find nice second-hand ones here for 60 quid. not worth fixing a tv that old'.
no way i'm paying that, not for the repair or a used tv.
might as well get a cheap new one.
after a big search in town, involving spaced-out woolworths clerks, a spur of the moment purchase of tulips, the suspicion that there were no such things as portable 14 inch tvs anymore, only big fuckoff cinema flat screen tvs invading the shelves everywhere; i found an affordable run-of-the-mill tv at 50 pounds in argos when i was already lamenting the lack of background noise and dvd viewing i'd be facing for a while.
i will buy rachael some scones just for suggesting a look there.

it's weird how you can do without these little luxuries when you don't have them in the first place, but notice their absence badly once they're gone.

licorice is great, truly.

2006-01-24T12:07:00.000Z

on our way back from uni, ilundi and i agreed that our professional lives resembled a tipped-over tin full of spilt change, bits of string, paperclips, buttons, old used erasers, loose keyrings, tiny pencils you can't sharpen without losing a nail, and exhausted batteries.

why is it so difficult to find a piece of cardboard with glossy and matt sides? if only there were proper paper shops in maidstone.

a week to go. deadline. oh no.
insert panic-stricken face here.

in other news
big L's birthday card:

ha.

2006-01-23T06:52:00.000Z

this morning, at approximately 9.00 greenwich, 10.00 gmt+1 european time, as i sleepily flipped the pillow and felt the cold fabric on my right cheek, i became a twentysomethinger, hereby joining the other tenants' age group.

a few hours earlier, my organism went into red alert and deployed defense mechanisms involving a sore throat and not-very-atractive puffy eyes, thus affecting my body's performance for the, what will surely be, three following days.

at 10.45 i opened my bedroom door leading to a rogue ribboned balloon ambush and engaged in a fight against them with the help of what was thoroughly effective cellotape.

at 16.24 a single-use camera flash blinded the assisting persons as several candles were lit into different colored flames. exactly fifteen minutes later to the second, the cake was reduced to 15% of its original mass. a minute and seventeen seconds later someone mentioned that blowing all the candles out was a sign of good luck. i promptly replied that a certain magazine's annual celestial predictions warned that aquarians were facing a bad year, but that, however, i had read somewhere else that they made good pilots.

forty five minutes prior to the record above, plentiful wrapping paper was discarded carefully as surprise was displayed at a 'make your own eraser' set. at the same time, the amount of salted popcorn decreased a 25% while the sweet popcorn only suffered a 14%.

end of the report.

i never really got into tag. i was always more of hide and seek.

2006-01-22T11:53:00.000Z

kntgrl tagged me.
(looks at shoes and kicks dirt)

four jobs i've had in my life:
weekend sales assistant aka customer slave at hmv
babysitter
sleeper
eater

four movies i can watch over and over:
amelie
toy story
team america
a los dos lados de la cama

four places i have lived:
madrid
bonn
den haag
maidstone (ugh)

four tv shows i love to watch:
star trek (any series at all)
lost
desperate housewives
frasier

four places i have been on vacation:
prague
paris
tangier
barcelona

four websites i visit daily:
flickr
buzznet
design*sponge
bloglines

four of my favourite foods:
humous with ryvita oh oh oh with well-done roasted asparragus and olives
chop suey or any oriental vegetable stir-fry with lots of shi-take mushrooms and lilies and bamboo and bean sprouts and carrots
cereals!!! with sweetened milk
these aniseed cake-type things the espigas health brand do

four places i would rather be right now:
yes amsterdamming in amsterdam
den haag
madrid
london

four bloggers i am tagging:
jessica
clauclau of the poliestra celestial
michele
hawkspaniel

2006-01-20T17:37:00.000Z

... hello.

my name is ilisu. and i am addicted to lost.

the first season has just ended on channel 4, and as much as i am embarassed to admit, i am suffering from withdrawal. season two is not scheduled to premier on (not so)public uk tv until spring. but while they still aired the show, i'd feel the impulse to google spoilers and rumored future plot-twists.

by means of desperate housewives and invasion, the lesser addictive substances, i am attempting to wean from hurley's 'dude' and sawyer's 'freckles'.

i guess it all started during the summer. in spanish tv, lost would be on tve1, but i'd watch 24 instead on telecinco, since they aired at the same time. i thought lost was too confusing to keep up with, too many characters, too many backstories. also i was too busy following kiefer-sutherland-jack's hijinks, until 24 ended.

then big L mentioned how good lost was. i was skeptical. then one wednesday night, whilst flicking through the measly four (still not so)public channels, it happened to be on, and i watched it just out of curiosity.

and i was hooked since then.

i am taking baby steps in kicking the habit, and i hope to be strong enough to hold up.

at least until spring.

2006-01-19T18:37:00.000Z

me: 'hey you should check zara out! they've discounted further.'
rachael: 'yeah?'
me: 'i got a belt and a pair of shoes. like the pointy green ones i have, but in purple. i've been mulling over them for ages.'
rachael: '... how many pairs of shoes do you have?'
me: 'um... i think i am developing a shoe fetish.'

here's to progress and moving on.

2006-01-19T12:15:00.000Z

i am developing a minimalist streak.

there was a period in my life where i loved surrounding myself with hundreds of knick-knacks on shelves; photos, posters, and random leaflets blu-tacked on the walls - everything on display in my room, like some quirky exhibit of the most useless space-occupying objects.
the more the better.
i guess there was some psychological reason, perhaps to avoid loneliness, or attempt to impregnate a sterile room with 'this is what i like, this i who i am, this is my territory'.
(now that i think of it, it's quite an aggressive manner of marking your 'own area'.
a virus-like extension of oneself?)

but now it's all visual clutter.
mental clutter.
chaotic input.

these past months i've been 'dressing the room down' slowly but steadily, removing and boxing the useless knick-knackery as i progressively got fed up with it, organizing the collected ephemera into folders and scrapbooks, moving things around and/or get them out of the way to, say, achieve some form of low-keyness, despite the inadequacy of the old furniture (paint-splattered shelves, loose-legged desk that will collapse sometime soon, the cracking chipboard inside of the mirror closet practically falling apart) and muddy-looking carpet.

i want to have everything stripped down to the essentials.

i am already daydreaming about next room i'll live in:
predominant color - a non-aggressive, refreshing white
secondary colors - soft turquoise/earthy brown or awakening red/earthy brown
wide desk, cleared shelves, light pine blinds;
solid colors, clean lines, big window;
space, light, comfort;

drool.

i am also giving away all the clothes i haven't worn for a year.
oh it will be hard to let go.

yup.

2006-01-17T21:54:00.000Z

What Breed of Dog Are You?

Woof woof! You're a Spaniel!

yes that explains a lot.

also they should look into inventing headache tablet lollipops. lemon-flavored, if possible.

ps. 'guerolito' is released in the uk on my birthday. hint wink nudge.

sin comerlo ni beberlo.

2006-01-16T18:11:00.000Z

just a note:

do not use the word scenester unless you know its meaning.
because if you know its meaning, i would not be called one in such a manner.

i have taken offense since i am no fan of indie kid snobbery and emoness.
oh my gaia.

(is that what my blog communicates about me??)

where credit is due.

2006-01-16T16:00:00.000Z

everyone should tell big L how much of an awesome artist he is
because he is truly talented.

and he will rock the illustration world,
he will rock it back and forth and sideways and diagonally
and spin it on his index finger
round and round and round.

one day, i will point at his published work, and say
'i used to curl up with that guy into a knot of skin and sheets'.

mens sana in corpore sano.

2006-01-13T18:59:00.000Z

it's curious how uk news is so self-centered. something happens (aka a former sex offender is found working at a school - insert picture of the smiling prosecuted subject here -, but not only that, several sex offenders found working in child-ridden areas) and, presto! there you have a week's worth of news. they won't stop until every single shred of information has been examined and torn apart, until they've squeezed the last drop of juice from the plump fruit of scandal, until the cow's tit resembles an elongated, dry raisin.
i wouldn't call it a 'thorough coverage'. more like a 'sensationalist form of egocentrism'.

remember the scarf i started ages ago? i finished it the other night.
'twas hard work.

i'll take more detailed pictures once the sky graces us with a bit more brightness.
(i prefer natural light)
we've been having very dark days lately. like a half-hearted attempt at providing daylight.

the sun would rather have a cup of tea, hidden by a blanket of grey wool, and write detailed letters to the moon about precious things they'll be expecting in spring.

2006-01-12T21:20:00.000Z

i think i have fallen in love with this track.

1/1 brian eno

for every piano key stroked, i can feel a string being pulled in my heart.
which is exhausting because it is 17 minutes long.

today, a rant: the invasion of the clones.

2006-01-11T23:12:00.000Z

self portrait tuesday

2006-01-10T17:12:00.000Z

i grew up on cartoons.

in the days of this, i watched 'the secret of nimh' and 'an american tail' almost daily.
the other day i found 'nimh' on dvd for 6.99 pounds.
so i got it and watched it.
timewarp!
now i know why i have this gut dislike/indifference towards cats: all the anti-feline propaganda i was exposed to in these don bluth movies. monstruous, evil, barbaric creatures who only wish the destruction of the intellect and sophistication the mice and rats are characterized with.

also, these movies critisize pollution (an american tail) and experimentation on animals (the secret of nimh).

**note: wil wheaton is martin's voice in 'nimh'.

i also really love 'the land before time'. when the hell are they going to release it on dvd??

post-post-post-holiday depression

2006-01-09T15:45:00.000Z

le voyage du les neuf heures.

(today i went into snappy's and dumped six rolls of slide film on the counter.
then the snappy snap's guy offered me a leafleting job.

i would become a leafleteer for four hours a day. i would decree my mission to be to leafletize every single shopping bag-holding pedestrian. i would touché everyone with a leaflet in their faces and run away.
minimum wage.
in winter.

i said i'd think about it.)

i also now own a business card holder, with no business cards to hold.

these two brooch-corsage pins are up for swap/sale.
i can make more with other colors and materials if prefered.

it is a temple, nay, a marvel to consumerismhood!

2006-01-07T13:18:00.000Z

sales cause stress.
fact.
today is the first day of the post-christmas sale.
and i just came back from it.
and i am absolutely overwhelmed.

in the shops right now there are 30 meter long queues of teenage girls holding mountains of sweaters and jeans along with their either a) sighing or b) non-stop nagging mothers. let's not forget the bored boyfriends.

everything flies off the shelves and the adrenalin pumps as you scout swiftly and detect any other predators showing the tiniest interest in your prey.
the survival of the fittest!
a jungle of wild price tags and savage discounts.

the worst is the waiting. oh the waiting. you can easily lose half an hour in the queue, and you think 'will that one sweater still be in zara? what if when i go back they only have size L?!'.
the maximum punishment: finding what you want, but not in your size.
and it happens.
and you scream 'noooooooooooooooooo'.

i couldn't be bothered.
i couldn't be bothered to look through the chaotic heaps of bargains, no breathing space, shoulder to shoulder with vicious and desperate women that just grab things out of your hands.
i just went in, directly grabbed the few things i've wanted for ages (mostly out of sheer luck), and waited in the eternal lines. just shoes and basics, including a turquoise fun&basics bag (the one i was considering for xmas).

and it takes a hell of a lot to make me get fed up with shopping.
a lot.
this is a lot.
also today is the only day i can get stuff here since tomorrow morning i'm off back to the uk.
so stress multiplied by two.

on the next episode: horror! suspense! the search for the last nintendo ds.

feliz año nuevo

2006-01-01T16:30:00.000Z

i'm in a state where i am undergoing some form of urgency at the same time as patient stoicism.
be it due to the lengthy digestion that still seems to be in process from last night, or the compromise/breakage of my vegetarianism at seasonal family dinners (when the comfort of the majority crushes individual morality, if the minority should rebel it would mean a nuclear war), or perhaps the fact that anything i do isn't understood, or that i can't really be productive when we rotate from family member's house to family member's house, clockwise.

the enviroment is a tad on the flammable side, with warning sides all over. needless to say we make concessions, we turn the cheek on an hourly basis.
yet patience isn't something there is a large supply of.

on the bright side, while we stayed in madrid i met up with my best friend from school, back when i lived in madrid.
we went to the marcel breuer exposition at the ICO museum, and had a drink in some hidden away 70's inspired place.
many pictures were taken, many stories were swapped.
she made the most touching comment: everytime we talk, it's just like 'back in the days'. and i wonder, how easy it is for things to change, for an intrusive feeling of uneasiness to creep in and whisper 'you have nothing to talk about with this person anymore'.
it is not so in this case. it makes me feel incredibly grateful.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

apart from that, the late christmas was fruitful: i got the graphics tablet (hooray!!!), but i can't show any of my test drawings because they were all embarassingly bad.
i also got silky scarf with 60's print, a sock-shaped book on how to knit socks ('now you know what you're getting next christmas, ha!'), and was lucky enough to squeeze in a book on the latest editorial design.

and now it's time for the 2006 resolution.
i have only one:
to work a lot harder.
aka get stuff done.
aka haul ass.
aka be accepted for an ma in communication design and/or get a job in the creative industry.
yes.

beben y beben y vuelven a beber, los peces en el río por ver a dios nacer

2005-12-24T17:49:00.000Z

yo. merry christmas!
or rather, merry huge meal with family in front of the tv followed by presents!

i'm not getting my gifts til the 27th or something. yah, totally bummed the eksmas feeling.
this is due to our going to madrid for a couple of days (!!!) and the purchase of these would be easier there.
the news of this sudden trip threw me off, as i'm always the one insisting on us going to madrid (or on my own) when on holidays, these pleads being received with reluctance. and this year, when i'd finally assimilated the close to zero possibilities of visiting my home town, my dad casually says:
'oh, by the way, we're going to madrid.'

hopefully i'll be seeing old friends and taking heaps of pictures.
also eating roast chestnuts. hmm. in la plaza mayor.

other uneksmassiness: we haven't put up my gran's old plastic tree either. there's just a tiny nativity set with a special gate crasher: santa claus.
'what is santa claus doing there?' i asked.
'santa also has the right to visit baby jesus.' my mom replied.
yes, a man in a red fur-lined coat lost in the middle east.

talking about red and fur-lined, the pope is funny. he wears prada shoes.
he's such a diva.
divapope.

2005-12-20T14:07:00.000Z

wow.
my blog was linked to on one of tony pierce's posts.
...
wow.
thank you, tony.

new project! i am making myself a scarf based on this anthropologie gorgeousness. or rather, inspired by it. i am going to submit the design to some customization.

these are part of the materials. they ain't cheap, pal. but surely it won't amount to the insane kind of money anthropologie are asking for, even on sale.

jessica mentioned this handwriting test on her blog. i did it too.

The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

yeah, pretty much correct. except on the busybody bit.

2005-12-19T20:36:00.000Z

people!

big L (aka 'my mr. man', but since he recently has addressed himself as 'big L' -which i found funny- he will now remain the latter) has asked me three times if i prefered a sumarai or a cowboy.
i said cowboy.
'right answer'.

i asked the same sort of question to my fellow conflicted hmv coworkers a year ago, so in that spirit i am going to ask you.

james bond or indiana jones?

mr sinatra, sing me some more christmas songs please.

2005-12-16T22:26:00.000Z

my mr. man keeps on volunteering scenarios where i get married to some blonde-haired, blue-eyed, chisle-jawed, super trendy, scandinavian artist/vet.
in one case he mentioned he'd attend the wedding drunk.
it's amusing.
'why a vet?'
'because you like the cute little fuzzy animals.'
'ha.'

.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm leaving tomorrow
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's unbelievable, really, it doesn't seem like i'm finally getting out of here.
when i get to málaga it will be as if i never was in maidstone.
and vice versa in january.
all packed, all set.
it just feels like it's not happening.
can't wait. can't wait. can't wait.
but
gaia, i'm going to miss him.

would the partridge be stuffed and held with wires on the plastic tree with fake pears?

2005-12-15T19:31:00.000Z

since both ilundi and i are leaving rachael all alone on saturday while she works her remaining shifts before her own departure a few days later,
we celebrated christmas today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was really anxious about how their scarves would be recieved, and they liked them!!
such a relief.

our christmas celebration involved:
snowflake-shaped cookies
mince pies (yuck)
veggie spring rolls (i ate 80% of those)
potato toasties
mini sausage rolls (ew)
party poppers
handmade crackers
sebastian the gargantuan cat
frank sinatra
bing crosby
sabrina the teenage witch

i got:
pink super furry warm snuggle socks with winnie the poo's piglet on them
a 'heat and hug me' sheep plushie that smells of lavender
pink hello kitty shoelaces
a cute red mini felt bag

hooray!!!

self portrait tuesday

2005-12-13T23:37:00.000Z

my smena-8m turns out to be a cutie, after confusing me to no end.
i was expecting the worst.
the results were scarce yet very satisfactory. i just have to remember to flick the shutter switch. which i didn't do several times, hence the low amount of photos that came out.
thusly i will flicketh the switcheth every timeth.

again i am going to end up carrying a heavy bag full of cameras around the airport. and i will probably not use them (much) in case some gatwick security guard (they now carry huge weapons!) deems that the film he just snatched from me must be destroyed and shoots at it repeatedly with rubber balls.
yes.
that'll learn that film for recording pictures.

creeping from shell hole from shell hole

2005-12-11T20:06:00.000Z

the world is so fucked up
i just feel that i can't stop it, can't stop the force money has over it
like a humongous boulder, deformed and obscene
and i'm rolling with it, we all are
live my life as happy as i can in pretend ignorance but i can't
because interaction with the truly ignorant or truly cynical frustrates me
because this crapness is so obvious, so obvious

war makes us humble, death makes us humble, it's so sad that it is this what it takes for a reality check
although war is an investment - bring on the monopoly men, bring on the marxist charicatures
war the moneymaker (order now!)
oil the black gold (limited edition!)
shellshock post-traumatic stress as loose change
quarter of a million
quarter of a zillion!
if this is all there is
if this is what we've got
then we obviously need a change.

here is a cartoon i found while i was sorting out my closet yesterday (amongst other things).

2005-12-09T18:39:00.000Z

adventures in snappy snaps

whilst leaving the store, rachael said 'he was sickeningly nice to you', and i said 'i was just about to say how supernice he was!'
'yeah the whole forced fake smiley face thing' she nodded.
'well you know snappy's just opened, perhaps he's truly enthusiastic... that is until maidstone crushes his soul'.'

things that annoy me at christmas

the new tommy hilfiger perfume commercial with enrique iglesias makes me cringe every time they show it.
it's like nails scratching against a blackboard.
or a fork scratching against a plate.
or biting on a cotton towel.
or what it probably feels like to snap a bone back into place.
or enrique iglesias singing.

the pony of troy

illustration friday isn't happening. i am currently preoccupied with a webdesign chore.
i'm actually getting a good bite of macromedia fireworks.
i'm chewing placidly.
it's great.
i am a big fan of reorganization. web design is just the same. divide, place, switch, tuck, nudge, repeat until it feels right. or approximately.

2005-12-07T17:51:00.000Z

i am attempting to make a christmas wishlist
(yes very convenient for an atheist i know, but christmas is all about flying back home and doing the whole family thing, not because jesus was born. plus they got his birth date wrong so technically no one is celebrating baby jesus. jeez my gran still thinks i'm catholic.)
it's very difficult.
graphics tablet or fun&basics turquoise bag?
turquoise bag or fun&basics bronze ballerina shoes?
ballerina shoes or nintendo ds with nintendogs?

if i had regular income i could afford all these things and benevolently wave my hand and say 'ah i don't want anything this christmas'.
someone, please hire me.
if you do i will tell you how pretty/handsome you are and bake bread for you.

oh, you know that universal law where there are at the most six people between you and anyone else in the world (enhanced by the internet)?
i discovered there is one between beck and me.
*faints*

self portrait tuesday

2005-12-06T12:09:00.000Z

and yes i am going to try to comply with illustration friday.

deadline today for the first draft of the dissertation. or more like a check-point.
i am currently unable to write.
my brain resembles mashed potato.
(hmmm. mashed potato.)
i hereby state,
as gaia and the dark circles around my eyes are my witnesses, i will do at least a little work every day and/or will never leave anything to the last moment ever again.

(camera pans out, cue to music)

hello, my name is rolly and i have come to harvest the wheat.

2005-12-05T15:23:00.000Z

today: owning tacky yet wonderful things.

today is sinterklaas!

sinterklaas kapoentje, gooi wat in mijn schoentje!
but i didn't find anything in my shoes this morning.
sniffles.
i wish i could have gone to the parades with a huge open umbrella to catch all the kruidnoten and pepernoten today.
ah!
even if we were the last year students in high school, some of us chased sinterklaas (aka a dressed-up teacher) around the school hoarding on all the candy, as he would crash into lessons and slightly unsettle the teachers.
ah.
i miss holland.

anyway, happy sinterklaas, NL!

** countdown: two weeks til i fly to spain but i'm already feeling the 'packing' antsiness.

2005-12-04T18:21:00.000Z

bill, could you double-check so that i don't drill the hole in the wrong place?

i am
tired.
i have
no
patience.
i want
it to be
the 17th.
17th.
17th.
17th.
pack and leave.
it's the only thing i am looking forward to.
these are the times when i am homesick the most.

flesh and bone by the telephone

i have a hankering for depeche mode.
and not much else.

i am always my own personal jesus - in the most pagan and atheist sort of way.
more like my own psychiatrist.
with a couch and a notebook and everything.
and not much else.

the notebook has a blank cover.
the pages are lined.
the fountain pen has classic blue ink.
and not much else.

currently i am under my own treatment.
and not much else.

(keep the eyes on the road
always.)

2005-12-02T00:24:00.000Z

more fascination.

s. me. na. o. cho. e. me.

2005-12-01T12:15:00.000Z

//

synthetic phonetics.

i still remember learning how to read, and sitting at the end of my parents' bed, my father sitting next to me with the activity book in his hands, both facing the window, the dark german sky outside brushed by a pine tree, it was a weekday,
ma me mi mo mu,
na ne ni no nu,
ña ñe ñi ño ñu,
ma
ña
na
mañana
'bieeen!' he'd say, and i would be so proud, as we advanced through the pages and i read out the faux handwritten text,
i am still quite fond of that font.

synthetisized phonem.
fo
ne
ma.

self portrait tuesday

2005-11-29T17:47:00.000Z

and so i embark on my search for werewolf qualities.

those wolves are holding machineguns.

2005-11-29T12:15:00.000Z

last night i dreamt about werewolves.

in it i had developed a theory that if you concentrated hard enough and you stayed emotionally under control during your first transformation, your human side could be completely conscious whilst having a wolf-life exterior.

i thought, in that case, i would like to be a werewolf.

and all i got were some eyedrops.

2005-11-27T17:50:00.000Z

rachael and i went into town today after i not so figuratively tore her from her bed this morning.
it was quite a masochistic thing to do, since we stray into shops and drool over everything, and by the time we're out the shop assistants are already cleaning up the slimy mess behind us.

'oh i love huge things like these' she prodded a chunky scarf.
'you do huh.'
'yes, they're quite warm.'
'ah, then you're gonna be happy this christmas.'
'heh, right.'
oh she got the hint.
i observed the item that got her attention.
soft, thick, chunky, long. check check check check.

i was worried about the colors i'd chosen for her scarf, since her current one is pink and purple (perhaps she was finally letting pink into her life?). but when she stroked a dark blue one at accessorize i sighed in relief.
colors. check.

i like how ilundi's scarf turned out. it's chunky and crocheted, striped by different yarns and patterns, patchworky. lots of white and pink, mixed in with other random colors in smaller amounts, so it matches her gloves and coat.

i'm racking my brains on what to give my mr. man.
i think i know.

brunch at tiffany's

2005-11-26T13:20:00.000Z

i feel so uneffective. superfluous. redundant. unaknowledged.

today i would like to have a car, a mint green beetle, and drive drive drive, go through the eurostar, and drive drive drive, until i got to the netherlands.

today i would like to have my hair cut.

today i would like to jump into puddles and kick piles of leaves leaving a trail of orange and yellow.

today i would like to hug the guy in the new snappy snaps that opened this week in maidstone for being so nice yesterday when i interrogated him non-stop about what films they had and if they could order them and if they did oh please oh please do crossprocessing and he said yes to all but unfortunately they didn't have fujifilm velvia and i was so happy afterwards i skipped and jumped outside because i didn't feel like i was limited anymore and that finally this town had buried the hatchet.

today i would like to be efficient.

today i would like to be audrey hepburn.

also

today i can't stop listening to 'rental car'.

i heart shoes. a lot.

2005-11-24T16:22:00.000Z

a sudden crazy gust of wind picked up right now - there is a swarm of yellow leaves rising from the dark, hitting against my window.
the sky just had a tantrum.

--

yesterday i had to throw away my dear purple chucks.
the rubber inside the heel's back had gone loose and even after trying to fix it with superglue it still stabbed against my foot making them impossible to walk in sans pain.
i wasn't expecting them to last forever, since i'd bought them second-hand on ebay, all the way from the u.s. since i couldn't find them in purple anywhere over here.

i don't think i'll be replacing them (mainly because i found out a couple of months ago that nike bought converse).

so. new sneakers.
that i am absolutely in love with, from the moment i saw them resting on the clear plastic stand.

also, i'm waiting for my other chucks to 'pass away' so i can go on a full-on overhaul, favoring kitten heels. i've learned how to walk and run in them without spraining my ankle (anything above 2 inches i cannot tolerate).

it's crazy because a couple of years ago i would have never contemplated wearing non-sneaker shoes. anything that needed to be worn-into would be discriminated against.
well, now i've gone 180º and like to stare at cute shoes for ages and try them on and work how if they would match with a bag, a scarf, certain tights/socks or a sweater.

oh my gaia. i have become my mother.

2005-11-21T19:33:00.000Z

study of my room back at my parents'.

overwhelmingly comforting.
the textures, the colors, the sounds, the lighting, the windows, the wooden floorboards, the socked feet running up the orange carpeted stairs, the sound of star's nails scratching against the floor as she carries out her duty as a canine odour sleuth, the huge white mug containing vanilla vla resting next to the black keyboard, the raw cotton curtains being pulled aside revealing twisted tree branches against the dutch sky - - -

ah.

and this is extremely and worryingly disturbing.
so this is where women's lib is in the 21st century.

2005-11-19T17:27:00.000Z

yes, finally project work.
i really need a graphics tablet. i don't know how much longer i can tolerate drawing with a mouse.

it's five pm but it feels like nine, the sky lies.
the sky is tricksy.
the sky sometimes allows the sun to pour into my room, through the bamboo blinds, filtered by the curtains, a halo above the bed header. that is when i miss it. at eight am.

recently i've been suggested to sell stuff online.
should i?

poem.

2005-11-18T10:44:00.000Z

we
are
so
cheesy
and corny
we might as well
be tacos.

*

d.i.y. time

2005-11-16T16:04:00.000Z

summing up:

inspired on a cardigan i saw in a shop back in the hague (for 80something euros) - added the applique and changed the buttons. basic sweater from h&m.

also, what i did with the beads i got from the market.

i've got a couple more projects, but priorities are priorites and the dissertation goes first.
argh argh argh.

also,
napoleon dynamite was worth watching just for the glorious moment of his dance.

!!!!

2005-11-15T02:25:00.000Z

my dear children:

scrap the alone/singleness manifesto.
i am no longer able to write it, not that i lack outdated newspapers.
i have a pile under my bed.
the impeding element is what was on my bed.

i can yet smell him on my hair.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smiles.