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28.3.06

he lost his cool with me, then apologized without changing the tone or volume,
'my mother is dying, and i have no patience for this'
i felt my lungs collapse
i don't think he noticed the trembling of my voice in the following sentence, or at least he didn't aknowledge it,
the conversation swayed, then returned
he said
'shame i'll be there tomorrow, but won't have time to see you, i'm flying straight back'
i didn't know what to say
what can you say
i was hurt more by his frustration and sadness
rather than the loss of a grandmother
i felt like i was losing him
he breathed audibly
i couldn't find comforting words to fill in the silent pauses, i was choking on my own tongue
how do you help a loved one without disrespecting their mourning,
with only diction,
without being insensitive,
so i backed off,
and burst into tears when i hung up the reciever.

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