do i have a 'hello random passerbyer please tell me about your life' face?
this actually happened today.
a random man approaches me in the red cross shop while i'm flicking through records and starts flicking next to me.
'looking for 60's records, eh?'
i take my earphones off, 'yeah.'
'looking for anything special?'
'um, no... just interesting records... interesting cover designs... obscure compilations.'
'oh. found anything good?'
'um, not yet.'
'where are you from?'
'uuuuuuuh.... i'm french!'**
'oh that explains it. strange music, from france, very strange. their symphonies are good though.'
i frown, 'you think so?'
he looks around uneasily, 'well eh yes - the germans! they play good symphonies.'
awkwardness while he mumbles to himself 'ooh she'll like that' while he grabs the records i just left.
i quickly flick through the rest and take the 1970's easy listening compilation.
i make a leaving gesture, and he begins
'you know, i'm looking for records, i have my own collection stashed away abroad, see,' (repeats this 3 times and something about having a house there) 'my mother died and she left all her records and i have them right now, hehehehe, and i have two siblings see, and they want their share of the records as well, hehehe, so i've come here to get them some.'
'to replace them?'
'oh, no. you see, they're older than me - i'm the youngest - my brother is 60 and my sister is 65, i'm 50, so you know, hehehehe, they won't tell the difference if i give them this record' (holds up a cliff richards vynil) ', they'll say "oh thank you" thinking it's my mother's and i can keep her whole collection, hehe, and hide it away at my house abroad, because i want to keep them you see!'
i turn quickly and signal the till lady with my eyes to hurry up, and she understands.
am i meant to say 'oh you are so clever, taking advantage of your brother and sister's fleeting cognitive abilities so you can con them into accepting cheap second-hand records of phoney sentimental value, keeping all your mother's -whose death you have mentioned six times already - collection to yourself? how cunning!'
what a jerkwad-asshole-dickhead.
the find, a double vynil.
(the 'all aboard!' thumbnail is hilarious)
** disclaimer: i never reveal personal details to random strangers. also it's fun to improvise. these things happen far too often for my liking.