!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> pegasus horse cake.

7.1.05

today is a grey and boring day.
woke up at noon and threw myself about, stuffed my face, and then checked womensecret sale online. two pj bottoms are the highlights of my day so far.

i feel lumpy and bloated yet peckish and that is not a good sign. ugh. if only they had nicer healthy food here. they've got tons back in spain. and the food here is junk.
if only i lived somewhere better. it would be infinitely more interesting. i'd go out more, walk, look around, smile, be more enthusiastic, take more pictures, be more inspired, have more personal projects. i wouldn't be this low if i lived in london, i wouldn't mind the weather or the colors, because there is always something to do there. always something to see, analyse.

this place, the small, quaint yet utterly depressing maidstone, just brings me down - grey, damp, mossy, mouldy, screaming swearing kids, narrow lazily patched cracked tar pavement, grey, grey, grey, dark grey, light grey, grey. chain stores selling tons of tacky items that the masses seem to adore. and people are generally more bitter and selfish here. they will push against you if you don't stand aside when they walk past. and if they're not bitches, they're sales assistants who force that familiar fake smile.
so what form of escapism do maidstonians have, you wonder. binge drinking. narrowing leisure to swallowing industrial amounts of toxins. saturdays and sundays are 'count the puke splatters' days.
i bump into hipster kids with the moppy hair and the 80's gettup, one, two, three, four, seven, twelve, all 'strokes' clones, and feeling like i'm the star of groundhog day gone mad.
so all i can really do is concentrate on uni work, sort of get myself totally involved in it, but there has to be more to uni life than that.

my parents' solution to all this is: 'you need a boyfriend.'
ha.

i guess the conclusion is that i want to leave this country. i want to go back either to spain (back to my 2 hour walks) or holland (back to my bike rides).
i do appreciate the education i'm getting here - the difference between now and the beginning of the first academic year is abismal. the tutors are wonderful people.
and i've grown personally, found more of myself.

still checking womensecret. i think i should be worried if acquiring things cheers me up.

also, i'm worried about my dad's operation. i hope it's gone okay this morning.

-->

<< Home